It has been some time since I’ve delved into the depths of my (semi-) guilty pleasure, Top Chef. Sad, I know, but my reasoning is simply that there hasn’t been that much to say about the past few episodes. Not that the show isn’t entertaining, but it has been hard gauging much of anything from the “cheftestants” thus far. And that Kathie Lee Gifford has the palette of somebody with an amputated tongue? Yeah, no, color me surprised…

With that said, here are some observations I’ve come up with during the past few episodes:

For the love of god, get her out of here…

Melissa has dodged elimination with something close to Dubya’s shoe-ducking abilities. Her use of habaneros in episode four—where she either didn’t taste the shrimp or showed she has numb taste buds—was unforgivable. De Leon has probably the best habanero salsa I’ve ever had, and even they don’t get it right every time. Heat for the sake of heat is not a good thing. Add to that her waffling excuses, her trucker hat, and… Really, that’s about the extent of her contribution. I’d be surprised if she survives another episode.

“What, is she funny or something?”

I’m sure Ariane is a lovely woman, but to award a Top Chef contestant a win for managing to cook some lamb properly? Not exactly the hardest thing to do, and the dish was clearly Jamie’s creation at any rate.

The Bride’s Maid

Jamie is sailing up as the one to beat in this competition, even though she hasn’t actually won a single challenge yet. I mean, seriously? Alongside Stefan she is showing more creativity and better technique than the other “cheftestants” and I’d be surprised if she didn’t make it to the end.

The Stefaning

We don’t really have the token douchebag this season, and though Stefan is a bit… shall we say confrontational… he clearly has the skill to back up his big mouth. He was completely correct about Gene’s asinine “DIY sushi” dish (seriously, what?) and though Jeff delivered a successful sorbet, I think Stefan was right raising a red flag over it.

I can’t quit you

The Chilean sea bass just screamed 1998, but regardless… Fabio might not have shown the best dishes in the competition, yet he’s far from the worst “cheftestant,” and I don’t think his full potential has been realized yet. Plus, come on… You’d have to be dead not to be charmed by him.